The Madness Within
by offkilt-err
Summary: A birthday oneshot for Sirius.Was actually written on his birthday... It's a little angsty but frankly so was his life ,the poor dear.Disclaimer: I'm sadly not JK Rowling


Her high pitched laughter echoed harshly against the damp stone walls of the prison roughly awakening him from his reverence.

"Why hello baby cousin" Bella teased in a sing song voice. "What a lovely birthday gift to you I must be. Or perhaps one of the guards will be so kind as to give you a little birthday kiss?" Another giggle burbled up out of her throat, the maniacal glint in her eyes revealing the reason her mirth was unaffected by the proximity of the Azkaban guards as she was led to her cell.

 _It was his birthday. November 3_ _rd_ _.It had already been 3 days._

Sirius Black had never felt less like celebrating.

Slowly he turned his gaze upward, craning his neck to catch a glimpse Bellatrix and her three companions. A sharp pain shot through his neck. His neck ached. His back ached. His chest hair was still tacky with blood from the 'interrogation' he had endured before being locked away without a trial. Everything hurt. He leaned forward slightly extending his arms towards the bars of his cell in hopes to alleviate a bit of the ache but regretted it immediately as the icy northern air whipped across his exposed middle and he reverted to the fetal position in which he had slept.

Lids closing over empty grey eyes he sunk back into his previous stupor.

 _Fire. Warmth. The Gryffindor common room._

 _He lounged lazily on the overstuffed couches of the Gryffindor common room .Prongs was in the squashy armchair to his left idly playing with his stolen snitch while Remus was huddled over his ancient runes translations at a nearby table._

 _"I feel ill" said Peter, who did in fact look a bit green, from his spot on the rug in front of the roaring fire._

 _"Shouldn't have eaten so many sweets there wormy" he chuckled._

 _Peter scowled good naturedly._

 _"S'not like I had much choice what with what Prongs' 'present' "_

 _Sirius grinned conspiratorially over at his best friend who smiled back, a familiar marauding glint in his eyes._

 _In addition to a new beater's bat James had somehow convinced the elves to send up a candy feast at dinner for all but the Slytherins who received dishes of sprouts, mushy peas and odd smelling green juices 'to match their robes 'James had insisted._

 _"That was brilliant by the way Prongs" Remus added as he pushed his car back from the table, teetering it precariously on two legs "I'm certainly not complaining"_

 _"It was nothing" James blustered, red-faced. "Besides I had to find some way of bribing you to shut off those damn candles."_

 _Earlier that morning Lily and Remus had charmed seventeen muggle candles to float around behind him singing 'Happy Birthday' ,increasing in volume the more resolutely he refused to blow them out .Moony's eyes had lit up at the sight of the mounds of chocolate confections at dinner but James had covertly performed a wandless charm on every bite Remus took causing it to taste like spinach until the werewolf finally relented and reversed the charm._

 _The three animagi' chuckled at the memory of their friend's face._

 _"Pete I think there's a muggle remedy for nausea in one of those" Remus offered helpfully pointing at the stack of new books that has been Sirius' gift from him and Lily. They covered a range of muggle and magical healing and defence techniques, the respective favorite subjects of the two bookworms._

 _Sirius smiled contentedly .He was of age. He was surrounded by friends who cared about him and each other. Inside the walls of the castle he could almost forget the rising tensions of the outside world._

The warmth that had clouded his mind for a few happy moments disappeared suddenly to be replaced by a gripping chill. All happiness was sucked away as he heard the rasping breath of a dementor as it passed his cell. He could feel his body begin to shake violently as the chill penetrated every fibre of his being.

 _Think warm thoughts_

 _He could hear the fire crackling merrily in the grate behind him as the scents of cinnamon and cloves reached his nose. He and James were sitting at the Potter's dining room table discussing the Chudley Cannons most recent disaster of a game as a flour smutched Lily, muttering about dirty rats in her kitchen, emerged carrying a birthday cake followed by a smirking Peter. Remus regrettably was with the packs._

 _"Happy birthday Sirius" Lily exclaimed as she set the cake before him._

 _He leapt to his feet wrapping her in a warm embrace. His sister, for all intents and purposes, squeezed him tighter and he murmured a heartfelt "thanks Lils" into her hair._

 _"What kind? "He asked brightly sitting back down._

 _"Carrot "_

 _The opportunity was just too good for him to pass up._

 _"Carrot cake from our favorite carrot top!"_

 _"Nice one pads!" said James as Lily smacked him upside the head, repressing her own smile._

 _Sirius's eyes met Peter's._

A chill crept up his spine

 _Suddenly his friend's eyes were no longer smiling but dark, his face Ashen and beaded with sweat._

 _"Lily and James Sirius, how could you? "the squeaky voice shouted and then the street exploded._

Sirius was drawn out of the memory by the sound of the rattling breath of the guards.

 _The rat. The traitorous rat had to die._

He contemplated any number of painful ways to end his former friend, absent mindedly doodling himself a birthday cake in the sand that coated the floor of his cell.

 _Happy birthday to me_

 _Happy birthday to me_

He sang the lines under his breath and as he blew away the makeshift candles he had only one wish on his mind: He wished with all of his being for the chance to kill the man he had once considered his brother.

The thought horrified and frightened him. What had he become? And in only three short days? He shuddered to think of the shadow of the man he would surely become in mere months. Perhaps that birthday kiss would not be so unwelcome.

But no, the rat had to die. And he had to be the one to kill him. That was reason enough to live. A glint not unlike that of his cousin appeared in his previously glassy grey eyes. Perhaps all the Blacks had a deeply ingrained madness within.


End file.
